Listening,
I heard every word,
with every breath and every scream,
i learned.
and i saw,
grayish watercolor tears
that i did not want to be real...
all tattooed in my head.

I pretended everything was all right,
in the darkness of the night
my watercolor tears 
proved it was a lie.
I did not want them to be real.
I will not let them become real.
Rid the demons implanted in my head.

Watercolor tears,
hidden fucked up fears,
leave me as hope leaks out of my veins,
Leave me as I approach the realms of the insane.
You are not real,
You can't be real,
You are evil illusions in my head.

Listening,
I heard everything,
no pillow could muffle the cry,
watercolor tears make me blind,
in darkness while I wallow in this pain.
Watercolor tears, watercolor rain,
Watercolor me, watercolor pain,
I wont let you be real,
I will keep you all in my head.

- Jil Lane

I have been
a sailing ship alone on beautiful seas,
an angry wave beating the shore unmercifully,
a frolicking dolphin jumping towards the sun's rays.

I have heard
"you have to change,"
"maybe it's your fault,"
"I don't know you anymore."

I have been
screaming to deaf ears,
drowning in the sight of a crowd that can't swim,
laughing at a joke that's on me.

I have heard
"I wouldn't have a kid like that,"
"I don't like this new, weird, you."
"Why can't you just be NORMAL."

I have been
as far from normal as possible,
a guitar string broken at the beginning of the song,
an angelic voice that burst into song when the world sleeps,
an undiscovered universe that's right under everyone's nose.

I have heard
"you'll never make it,"
"you're not good enough,"
"you wish........"

And,
I wish
to shock a world that knows it all,
to be an uncommon sense,
to giggle at the look on humanity's face
when they finally know what I've understood all along.

- Jil Lane
 

I sit alone feeling lonley
invisible tears do I cry
everything feels like its drowning
I'll bleed so i know im alive.
I cant stand to be near me,
so I'll run far away from myself
as easy as disconecting the telephone line
I'll put my sadness high up on the shelf
I need proof of my existance,
to see there is blood in my veins,
to know I am  not just a "shell of a human" all I
need do is feel pain

- Carly

tiny steps
tiny words
tiny songs
tiny swords
little feet
in the sand
tiny fingers
on tiny hands
impish smiles
tender flesh
waiting beneath
the branches stretch
bright red
silent screams
slipping away
behind safe dreams
lying there
all alone
pain running deep
to the bone
an empty void
a soul undone
he is gone now
where once there was life
now there is none

- Jessi's Gang

1990 - A new bed fills the corner.
White walled the chamber that held my nightmare,
Now a gentle sky blue.
The rug is lifted
As is the blanket of fear
That once encompassed my room.
But like an iceberg,
We only see the surface.

****************************************

1981 - The freshly fallen snow absorbs all sound,
Silence entraps my world.
Yet my serenity is shattered
As I hear the crunching of tires over icy roads.
Friends and family ascend the walk.
The sound of clinking bottles 
Further disturbs the silence.

Bedtime presents itself much too quickly;
As a tear slides down my cheek, I walk away.
In pajamas and clutching Teddy
I lie down to sleep,
The man's eyes never leaving me.
He says I'm special and he loves me
As he draws closer.
His head touches the pillow,
His hands slowly caress my baby skin,
Moving from my face,
But not my body.
As the snow steadily falls,
So do my tears.
He slinks away like a panther,
But the prints will forever scar my memories.

- Janice

I stand at the end of one world
Lost in a sea of memories,
Unable to see what lies before me,
Yet I know what once was.
The water crashes on the sand,
And for one brief moment
The future is all too clear.
But as the water returns to the sea,
So do I. 

One step at a time
I move away from the past
Leaving the memories behind - 
Approaching a new world.
The water, surrounding my body and soul
Now becomes my companion.
But once again
I must move on.
I reach up and touch the sky
Leaving the seas behind me.

- Janice
 

Glamorous memories
Flash into an artificial light
Turn it down turn it down
(It's getting too bright)

The music grows louder
Thoughts turn to pain
Turn it off turn it off
(I'm going insane)

The smells of a hospital
White padded bed
The nurse is coming
(Something wrong with my head)

And in the next room
A crazy boy dies
The parents are silent
(But nobody cries)

A girl is screaming
She wants her cocaine
Everyone ignores her
(I feel her pain)

I do not understand
Why they put me here
But I don't mind that much
(Because the end is near)

I guess I screwed up
Somewhere I went bad
I could have been good
(I wish that I had)

Now I feel very weak
I can't breathe anymore
My heart has slowed its beating
(I drop to the floor)

A spider down the hall
Weaves its pretty web
By the time it is finished
(I'll be dead)

- Hannah

Welcome to my world,
The hate, anger, and disappointment.
A place filled with emptiness,
Where my heartache can build.

Welcome to my world,
Where tears fall constantly.
Where nobody protects you,
They only hurt you.

Welcome to my world,
The yelling, screaming, and hitting -
With fists or even words,
And nobody to block the blows.

Welcome to my world,
A world you wish you never encountered,
A world you can't wait to leave;
Welcome.

- Janice