This might be a poetry page, but some of the emotion contained here is quite intense. If you are triggered by such
things, please proceed down the page with caution. Oh yes, and there is some fairly strong language in here as well.
I hope you enjoy what people have to offer for your appreciation.


Braids and Blades

Tiny fingers stroke the hair
and whisper in quiet tones
Shh....sleep now, close your eyes.
but it is the calm that rattles my bones
What dances in that head?
and will there ever come the day
that I learn the secrets 
of sadness yet unhidden by the gray?
Rage and pain thwarted with the blade
which creates illusions of sanity
As I ponder upon this child of sacrifice
and the tiny brutal braids of inhumanity
To see the  beauty of the soul
despite the power of their grip
But I fear that weak eyes are blinded
with the journey of each westward trip
With scars of a thousand emotions 
woven intricatly into the core
I pray for a strengthening hand
with the vandalization of each jagged sore.

- Karen Collins

 To my therapist

Twice a week you're patiently repeating
That no amount of blood will buy back what I've lost,
And my insistence on this bargain is defeating
The hope a gentler currency defray the rising cost.
But everything i was could only shatter,
When everything i stood upon had gone.
The acheivements you point out, they barely matter,
They're poisoned, broken, child-sized or wrong.
I want your help, and yet I hide a part
Of puzzle, for the finished picture shows
In jagged, sharp-edged fragments of my heart
The insect that I dress in woman's clothes.
So even as you comfort me I dream,
Of being bloodless, skeletal, and clean.

- Lin
 


Silent Screams

...And they crawl through my mind and they burrow and they speak softly with those evil words, poisoning me with my own blood, I can't tell them,  those evil words are spinning and spinning and I can't remember where I come from, but I remember where I've been, no regrets, but drowning inside and waiting for another day to let the screaming end. Take me to the platform and let me dance and let the wind blow through me and let the tears dry on my skin. let them dissolve into joy. and I dance through the dirt while I talk to strangers, but I'm their strangers, strange girl with panic in her eyes and a swing in her step about to fall, to fall with no one there to catch  and I try and tell them but those evil words come and convince me yet again, so I cry and I fight them, those demons living in my homes, houses, for there's no hearts there, those demons living in my houses that laugh at this girls pain, they think that they know fighting is what I live for, this warrior. and that my joy is in their tears, their pain, this bitch. And I scream but no sound comes and I cry but they do not see the little poison diamond streams, I'm locked alone, mute and dry and then the blood comes and they listen, then the screams go running down my arms and they can hear, I smash the insanity crawling in my mind. I let the screams run and run and run until they've told all this soul needs to say...

- Shane


Can't and Can

I can't make the pain go away
I can't take your place, 
no matter how much I want to.
I can't turn back time.
I can't make it all better
I can't take back what he's done.
I can't make the hurt disappear.
I can't pretend to say the right thing,
I don't know what that is.
I can't take away your tears
I can't give you back what's been taken away.

I can be there for you.
I can be your friend.
I can give you all the hugs in the world.
I can help you feel better.
I can help you cope.
I can take some of the pain away.
I can be there whenever you need. 
I can help you get through this.
I can, and I will help you through this.

For what I can't do,
I am sorry, for I want to do all those and more.
For what I can do,
I'm thankful to be able to help.

- Kathy M-S

 Forsaken

Forsake me life,
for I have sinned against thee,
my crime is a crime of hate,
a crime of evil,
I hate you and what you stand for.

Life you have cast me away from thee,
into the wastelands of the soul,
with no light to guide me,
no hunger to hurry me,
only the beckoning of the reaper.

Death beckons,
leaning on his scythe.
He beckons me closer, and I drawn toward
the steel of the sickle of death.
To commit the ultimate cut.

Brief, bloody and strangled,
my life has been, and all down
to thee, oh acursed one.
You may strike me down,
but I will submit to none but my own whim.

Forsake me,
and allow thyne grip to weaken,
allow me the dignity of the end.
My end, by my terms alone,
not that which is chosen.

Oh to die,
to die a death in the hand of madness,
laughing in my ear.
Madness seeps into my mind,
twisting my thoughts away from life.

Oh to die,
unforgiven,
forgotten and broken,
shattered and unloved,
cold and alone in the night.

- Alexander McGregor


Let Her Out

The past will change your future
But it shouldn't steal your hope.
You're using all your energy
To live, to be, to cope.
Someone stole your innocence
But not your freedom too.
God is still your oxygen
But breathing's up to you.
You took that frightened little child
And locked her far away.
Let her out and live again;
Her friends all want to play.

- Karen E. 

 Pandora

it has been long since she last came 
to leak the storm from my veins
leaving just a remnant of her scream
on the sleeve of my heart
her footprints stop at midnight
she is gone from this place
i can't swim without her broken fins
these currents severing the shell of a girl
let me drown and die and fly away
an angel this time.

- arianne
 


For Mikal

just because 
i didn't suffer through
any kind of 
horrible car accident
with broken shards of
glass and blood
or my father didn't climb
ontop of me when I
was little or 
my mother did not get
drunk and hit me
or my parenst didn't make 
me eat cat food 
for supper,
just because 
i do not have to live 
with the pain 
everyday of admitting
i am attracted to the
same sex
or watch my parents
sign divorce papers
or face a memory of
a gun to my head doesn't mean
my pain
my hurts 
my struggles
aren't any lessimportant than yours
you are not anymore
"fucked-up" than
i am
doesn't mean
i don't need someone 
to listen to me bleeding
doesn't mean 
just because you need
sympathetic looks from
all the king's doctors
and all the king's counselors
doesn't mean 
i don't know what
it means 
to hurt

- Renee Hoekstra
Deliverance

When the phone is disconnected
and the wind is howling low,
my mind will wander to that
which I wish I did not know.

A song, a sight, a spooky smell
is all it takes before
my eyes are clamped shut tightly
and I'm rolled up on the floor.

No one's there to help me
keep my mind off of my past.
I'm clutching my stuffed animals
my god is fading fast.

The pain starts deep, but soft and slow
a vague, elusive ache
I writhe in anxious torment but
there's no pill I can take.

Suddenly, a faint suggestion
slithers through my brain,
hisses offers sweet and kind,
a different kind of pain.

Shifted focus, simple hurt
and something I can see,
flowing warmly from my hand
this toxic memory.

Now it throbs and stains my clothes,
this act of cruel deliverance
sent forth to me to clear my mind
in quick benevolence.

Whatever screams and torture great
I slice upon my shell,
it's better than the alternate,
a strong elusive hell.

- Karen


Let Her Out

The past will change your future
But it shouldn't steal your hope.
You're using all your energy
To live, to be, to cope.
Someone stole your innocence
But not your freedom too.
God is still your oxygen
But breathing's up to you.
You took that frightened little child
And locked her far away.
Let her out and live again;
Her friends all want to play.

- Karen

 Battle Scar

I will not defile this battle scar,
Small and pink, adorning my hand
from which great works have come.

Pitifully carved in crude despair,
A red badge of shame
once begged for cover but

Now I see upon a glance its way
That graceful tending from a friend,
and my own will to heal.

Its shallow depth,
its tiny size a testament to
my true desire...life.

- Karen
 

Social Convention

I keep your laws
I keep your commandments
When people ask me
"How are you?" I lie
The way you dictate me to

I smile and nod
And say "Fine, just fine"
And walk on by because I
Wouldn't want to violate the
Law of Inappopriate Self Disclosure

If I did you would
Bind my wrists, throw me
Over your shoulder, and haul me
Off to jail
Lock me in a cold gray cell of
Awkward silences and uncomfortable
Looks

So I keep your laws
I keep your commandments
When people ask me
"How are you?" I lie, so
Your laws can protect me

- Renee Hoekstra

  One Day

 one fine day, we will go unto the world, 
 without fear or prejudice, 
 without grief or dishonour, 
 only love.

 one fine day, we shall stand up,
 and say that enough is enough,
 that feeling counts beyond life,
 beyond the corrupt and the scornful,
 that feeling should be free,
 no matter the cost.

 And when the day comes, to stand and say what is hidden,
 we shall stand together unto eternity,
 for feeling counts beyond life,
 beyond death and fear and grief,
 for only us and only you.

- Alexander McGregor

this page is maintained by Alex, if you have any complaints or suggestions, or something to submit, don't hesitate to email me.